So, it was time for Colton's usual overnight feeding. He was crying so I got up at 3:50am to feed him. I prepared a bottle and picked him up from his crib. Checked his diaper and sure enough as expected it seemed as though he had filled it up pretty good with number one. Not a problem, half way through his feeding he usually takes a break and that is always a good time to change his diaper. As always, he took his break. I changed his diaper from the cheap sam's club diaper that he was wearing (which always seem to work great) into one of those expensive name brands like huggies or pampers. After changing his diaper he was ready for feeding part two. All was going well. We are nearing the end of the bottle and he seems to be slowing down. I start to notice that I'm feeling rather warm and wet. Sure enough he had to go agian and the diaper leaked, so much for those expensive diapers being so great. He was wearing it for less than ten minutes and now it leaked, leaked through his pajama's onto me and through my shirt, and now he needed to be changed again. This time, not just a diaper change, but his pajamas will need to be changed as well. He finished his bottle and off I go to find new pajamas. I change his diaper and his pajamas. He is now ready to go down again. Colton seemed fussy so I decided to rock him off to sleep. Now comes the face, the one right before, yup there it goes the explosive poop noise. Well, he takes a few minutes to poop, so I decided to wait until he was done to change him, nope he wants nothing to do with wearing that dirty diaper and starts to scream. I go to change him right away as not to wake Marisa up with all the screaming. Now here is where things get interesting. Diapers have the unique ability to help poop fill in every nook, cranny, and crease that they can find. People who repair cracks in walls may want to cover the plaster with a diaper because of their great ability to help sludge type substances fill in the cracks. Removing the sludge is the problem. The baby store has everything. Car seats, play yards, bottles, special brushes for cleaning bottles, toys, toys to make other toys more fun, special cleaning supplies for toys, and things that you never thought of or thought had any use, yet they only offer wipes for cleaning the sludge from your baby. Cleaning this sludge really requires a shovel and pipe cleaner type device. All those nooks and crannies full of putrid smelling pooh really deserve a special cleaning device to make the job easier and less messy. Yet, they only offer pre-moistened wipes. A large towelette type thing like you receive after ordering the lobster or ribs at a family restaurant. Can you imagine an excavating crew going to work one day. They are loading the truck, Hey Bob did you remember to load the towelettes on the truck. What? Towelettes? Yeah, today's job requires digging through a pretty big mud hole. Do you want to spend all day digging with a shovel and using wheel barrows to move all that sludge? Just load the towelettes, it will be quick and easy work that way. We just drag those towelettes through the sludge and presto, all the sludge is gone and clean as a whistle, we'll be done by noon and off to Red Lobster to enjoy a fabulous lunch. This is crazy! So, there is all this sludge that you are now forced to push around, smear, and hopefully remove from your baby with these inadequate wipes that should really be used for the final wipe down. As I'm in the process of removing said sludge I am fully expecting what is next to come. The water sprinkler goes off. Thankfully my left hand has holding up his legs in just the right position while the right hand is performing the big dig, that the fountain sprays into the palm of my hand and doesn't spray all over the wall, changing table, floor and myself. So as gross as this sounds it is really a good thing that my hand was what got sprayed. This happens not once, not twice, but I think three times. So I finish with the cleaning of sludge, then move on to clean up the excess fluid that is now on Colton's mid section and of course I now remove the pajama's that I just changed him into because they are quite wet. Off to find new pajama's again. I put new pajamas on Colton, rock him to sleep and it's off to his crib he goes and I go back to bed to await the next feeding.
One simple feeding:
1 bottle
6 oz of formula
2 Pajamas
3 Diapers
Half a box of wipes (because no one has invented a good poop remover yet)
1 Clean shirt for Dad
1 hour and 20 minutes total time
Happy Colton; Priceless
